Had a really good appointment with my homoeopath yesterday. Despite our shaky start, I really do feel like I've been well supported by both his experience and, of course, the practice of this modality.
Ended up talking about a few things I didn't realise would come up. Namely, I felt free to say (admit) I had, up until the ultrasound last week, assumed my body couldn't carry a child "properly". In contrast, he sat there and said how impressed he was with how I've come to this point - no coughs, no colds or other infections (madly touching all wood within reach) bare little fluid retention, a relatively calm disposition apart from a couple of times along the way when the wheels have understandably come off.
I don't think even I realised how deeply wounded I have been by the, while always with best intentions (or so they portray/say outwardly), comments of various people since we had Ella. The offers of surrogacy, the assumption of prematurity this time - although even I was told that medically this would be the rule rather than the exception, most likely.... It's all woven itself into my view of myself as a mother capable of nurturing her as yet unborn child.
I want to scream from a mountain to however many people can hear me: BE CAREFUL, be so careful, what you say to other women - other mothers - in my position. It's not helpful at all to bloody receive offers of carrying your child for you. For heaven's sake. And I (stupidly) graciously thanked the person who offered, perpetuating their assumption that they have somehow helped or been so generous. I can't believe I contributed to puffing out even further the chest of someone who has been such a negative impact on us since Ella died (and well before, but that's for another blogspace entirely).
Well. It stops here. I feel so blessed right now. Today is the day my waters broke with Ella - in relative, gestational terms. And instead, I'm going to my breastfeeding class. I feel fit, happy, relaxed........ so excited and ready to lay eyes on this little Lolly in two+ months *saying out loud for effect so Lolly stays with the program*.
2 comments:
People tend to be tactless and stupid, I try not to expect anyone to be anything other than that. If I get a bit of understanding or empathy, then I'm pleasantly surprised.
How does it feel to have reached this milestone and still be pregnant? I want to say "congrats" or "well done", or somehow acknowledge it, but those things just aren't the right things to say, they tend to imply that you did something wrong last time, which of course isn't the case.
Hope you know what I'm getting at!
Yes. I do :D and Thanks.
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