I warned you I'd do this!

...and you didn't believe me, did you?


If anyone needs the number of a good sanity-checker when in London.... call 155-400-R-U-OK and my second cousin will be only too glad to assist with your dilemma.

Tip: Particularly useful in familial situations or if you mash the banana that was in your bag into the lens of your husband's digital camera. Also handy to throw big cups of coffee over by accident. Answers to the name of Bonnet-wearer.

Money-back guarantee: never gets mad at you, looks long-suffering if you take it too far but has a never-fail smile and wit.

But wait, there's more. This month, you get a free set of Prét-a-Porter steak knives, the little plastic ones. He'll nick a set for you. And one of them naff teaspoons too if you ask nicely.