With friends like these...

Question:

If your baby is a grubby grot, getting over a cold and therefore still spitting and snotting and dribbling everywhere, would you take that baby to your friend's house and let your baby do said spitting and snotting and dribbling all over her baby's toys and rugs?

I know I wouldn't.

Would also let your baby eat on the floor and crawl around with dirty face and hands, rubbing stuff into your friend's carpet and touching all the furniture (table legs, licking table legs, grotty hands on couch)? Would you pretend you didn't see it or would you do what my friend did and laugh at each thing and say "Ooops you got some dribble on the toys"? And then, to top it off, would you get your friend's baby's big teddy bear and snuggle it into your baby's dirty yoghurt and fruit covered face? I'm not talking a bit in the corner of the baby's mouth, I'm talking a full face of food.

And would you make it so your friend feels she doesn't have any recourse because, after all, you've come over for the half day to be with your friend who you think isn't coping well (and press her to go onto anti-depressants)?

I am seething, more for the fact that after she's left, I have MORE work to do. I will have to clean all of the LGBB's toys. I am so angry that I could cry. There was no point pointing it out, my friend lives a far different life to me and I can see that when I go to her house. I am by NO means the cleanest person, but I don't see how you cannot see your child is slobbing all over someone else's fucking house. Fair enough, let your child do that at your place but I know for a fact that you'd not willingly allow your child to go crawling about with food in their hands and on their face.

I've never come across this before, mainly because this is the first visit from this friend since her baby has been mobile. I am shellshocked at her disregard for my home. She's a good friend, which makes this so much worse.

What is ridiculous, though, is that I am not assertive enough to even say anything. That apparently, it's easier for me to (once again) allow someone to do as they please thinking that I think it's ok when underneath I am thinking "Just get through this next half hour then they'll go and you can start cleaning, it's nothing that can't be fixed/cleaned". When really, I planned to do work this afternoon but I feel like I can't work because I have to clean before things/food/snotty spots set all over the place. Add to that that Lolly has just woken and I have very limited things to give her and places to put her to play until I do clean, even if I did decide to put off the cleaning.

GOD I'm cross! I think I'm mostly angry at myself for being so timid - the fear of being told I'm too pedantic or that it's funny to see me flustered over something like this is far greater to me than the inconvenience this friend has just created for me.

I'd love thoughts from any mums on this. Whether this is considered usual behaviour or not, as I sure as hell KNOW that my daughter would not be allowed to do that at someone else's house, regardless of how comfortable I was with the friend (in fact, in many respects, the closer I was to a person would just insure that I didn't allow it). It doesn't take much to wipe your baby's face and hands, surely??