7th of the 7th '07

How did you pull up after the weekend? Strange things were afoot at my Circle K store, I tell you.

The triple digit date on Saturday created a bit of an impact and something big shifted that day. Any triple number is a Master number (444, 777, 111 and so forth) and they carry with them very important energetic factors. I'm not even going to begin to explain.... I haven't the proper experience to be going into it and this isn't quite the forum anyway I guess.

But I was absolutely spent yesterday - and the feeling is still not quite passed today yet. It was pointed out to me on Saturday when I went up to do some work for the day at Peace Space that the date was pretty significant. I hadn't even thought about it, no more than the awareness that the global Live Earth concerts were going on. As the weekend panned out, though, and events of the week before settled and did their various fizzing out, I saw that there were actually quite a number of people I knew or had heard of who had been feeling attacked or singled out. Sometimes I don't think these things have a finite starting point but depending who you are, I guess you can pinpoint a moment when you feel like you've been really unjustly dogged on.

I realise like never before that it takes so much of one's energy to maintain one's position, especially if it involves high emotion. In my particular situation, my personal boundaries were tested. I was disappointed in myself that I entered into something I realised was bigger than just me - it's too simple (and too easy) to say that what I say is to blame. I hope in time personal responsibilities of others are realised as I have realised mine. A leopard never changes its spots. I have remained consistent with what I write about and what I stand for. People must know that of me by now.

It's very important - vital - to me that I keep my own lines of communication open. There are dozens of posts on this blog that highlight the importance of tracking my journey since 2005 and I see, reading back over early entries, the progress I've made personally with regards to life after Ella. This gives me great comfort at how far I've come - not unscathed, but learning all the time. It's interesting and sad all at once that whenever I've had to write something like this (as some sort of clarification to my self and to any regular loyal readers), it's usually come about in some way because of how people have reacted to me expressing my perception of something - and this something without fail is tied up with the subject of loss/grief. I am still learning this one, obviously, but at least I'm making tracks.

Most of all, I really hope that everyone is taking great care of themselves and their energy levels. If you feel like you've been hit by a truck, join the club. And I hope whatever is happening for you passes soon.