Every so often, usually the third time in a day when the shit hits the fan / straw breaks the camel's back / dumb stuff happens, Steve and I will turn to each other and quote that piss-funny line from Dumb And Dumber - Jim Carrey's character turns to his friend, at the end of a rather arduous day and few moments when they don't know which way is up, and he says in a tension-filled voice barely holding it together, "Our pets' heads are falling off!!!!" and points in the direction of the cage containing their budgie, whose head has indeed "fallen off" (cos it was ripped off by the Gas Man... oh... have I watched it too many times?).
So. Today. This happened to me:
• At around 11.30 this morning, after I worked on Easter Monday to catch up on some work and finally feeling all caught up and in control today for the first time in months, the power went out.
The guy who came to mow the public reserve in our court mowed over the electrical box at the top of the street. Why? Because he "thought it wasn't connected up". Well, Dick'ead, it doesn't mean you need to go near it, let alone mow right the fuck over it!!!!!
• Decided I should get out of the house and go get some refunds from little Johnnie, c/o Medicare. So when I get there, why is it so packed? The carpark, I mean. I saw one of those Parents With Prams spaces, empty, going begging. But gee, I know there are some angry young "ladies" out there who would be haughty enough - even in my bedraggled, lazy-limp, hobbling state - who would take issue with me, and I was in no mood to foight to the death. Or maybe I was..... *pauses with finger on chin*
So instead, I parked in, oh, just the FURTHEST PARK from the door!
• I had to get petrol at the most expensive I have ever seen it in my State: $1.39L, people! I mean, WTF??
• When I pulled up at the pump, I stopped the car, did my usual new "thing" which was slide the seat back and manouver myself out the door with both legs together to try and minimise contributing to this stupid hip and symphisis pubis dickis idiotis dysplasia I've got happening. I did all this with a fair bit of effort, and in wind gusts of bloody a bazillion knots (ok, I'm getting silly now), only to find that I had parked at the opposite side to the petrol tank. RAAAAAAHHHH!
• I was gone for two hours and came back to be told by a neighbour that we shouldn't "expect power to be returned til sometime this afternoon."
And so I rested. I slept. I pruned. I baked a cake. Sounds nice, doesn't it? Except, it was vewy vewy qwiet all day. I had a lot of things I needed to do that involved electricity. But I am proud of myself - my idle mind didn't eat ONE square of that chocolate, sitting over there.
• Power only came back on at 5.30. That's 5.30 PM, dear reader.
So, once again, we usually claim heads-off-pets when several shitty things happen in a minimal time frame. I believe I can declare our pets' heads are indeed falling off. For sure.
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