Why is it that when you don't make a huge fuss and go flailing about the place, sometimes it's assumed you wouldn't just like a bit of an effort made for you anyway? I am one who tends to go "no worries, I'll be right, you go and attend to the people who are making dying sounds" even if it's quite obviously bad acting on their part. And off go the people to save the damsels and (male version of damsels) in distress.
I don't want to sound brattish, but I do wonder why I don't make a more blatant go of rocking the boat. I know why: everyone else in the boat would look at me from under withering eyebrows and go "Kirrooool, what are you playing at? You're fine. We have to go over here and help XYZ out. Again." So I don't really bother. I don't bother making a fuss and saying "Dammit, I am your bloody daughter, I will really miss you being here." That, and, it's just not me. I don't do it because I don't think to do it and wouldn't have the first clue how.
More's the point, I am put out that come hell or high water, the parent in question ensured they saw a more elusive sibling on their birthday last year. But me? No, I'll be right. I'll understand. You have to work. You have deadlines. It can't be helped. And seriously, realistically, of course it can't.
But why, then, do I feel that somehow I'm not "as important"? I know I'm looking at this irrationally. I know I should look on it thus: by the very fact that I've been ditched by someone very dear to me, it's obvious they have a high regard for my capacity to roll with the punches (like this one), otherwise they probably wouldn't have been game enough not to be here and instead, making sure they found a way to make the drive and the effort because I seemed like I needed it.
How's that sound? Convinced?
It's just that.... I wished they would have at the very least made plans to see me soon after my birthday. I didn't get that either. I just got a "sorry, I can't be there". And yeah. I feel really babyish and sad about it *pouts*. Is it because my birthday is mine, all miiiiiine? And when you're a mum, there's nowt much you could claim to be "all yours", for you only?
Perhaps I should start the playing-hard-to-get game. It seems to make people come running. I know I sure as hell used to.
1 comment:
I'm hearin ya! It's not just the birthday thing but it is the "mine" thing. The one thing that you want at the time that no on can/will afford you!
It's like me with the family photo thing. Never happens. Even DH is saying now, "it's the only thing she wants!" ROFL
Just one decent family photo damn it!!!
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