He's a homee-whatto?

I have an appointment this arvo with a new homeopath. I mean, new for me, he's been one for many....years. Oh, forget it. Anyway, it marks a new direction for me. Or rather, one I'd lost my way with. I actually look for the most passive alternatives in most things - especially my health and how to overcome pain and illnesses. But I haven't been to see anyone specifically about getting my physical wellbeing back on track since I gave birth last January. I'm really really looking forward to it. I want to be told what to do to lose this weight. Today, I weighed myself. I am now officially only 1 kilo under what I weighed when I was 30 weeks pregnant. Let me decipher, people: that's not good!

I trust that this is the key, rather, one of the keys to the many doors on this journey.

Behind door #1: We did IVF so we could come out the other side satisfied that we don't need it. And 6 kilos heavier. But who's counting?

Behind door #2: The belief that we are moving ever forward, towards a family that is biding its time. It's not in OUR time that our family will come to us, it will happen at the right time for our babies and what they will contribute to the earth and society when they get here. They're simply not quite needed yet. I LOVE this thinking. And thoroughly trust it. As impatient as I am with the little sods for not getting here sooner. So it's not quite perfect, but Jeeeez.... me 'n Steve, we're good enough for anyone, surely. *doing my best bargaining stance like a shonky car salesman*

Behind door #3: Our bond with Ella didn't happen by chance. She really DID choose us because she knew, come hell or high water, I'd shove her message in everyone's face! Funny thing is, there really isn't "a" message. But I am lovin' her work: the realisations and 'taking stock' that people have been sharing after reading her story... well, I have no words. It simply blows me away and I am so humbled by it all.

Behind door #4: This is my dirty little secret room. This is where I keep my cynicism and impatience at this whole journey to becoming a parent (of a live child). I can be as holistically-viewed, accepting, "all in good time"-ish as they come. And mostly, I am. But sometimes I don't feel nearly quite as gracious as I am perceived to be. I therefore reserve the right, when behind this closed door, to make voodoo dolls, scream the paint off the walls, shout vile vitriol at happy people on the telly (especially that freakin' Britney Spears, ugh and whatserface, you know.. the one who married C'mohhhhn! Leyton) as long as I leave it all behind this door.

Dammit. I just KNOW this guy is going to make me cut out alcohol and coffee today. *sulks* I knew I should've downed one last bottle of champers last night... And just for Axel-f and Mizz Pesky: "See? I'veshtill gottit". But dammit to hell anyway.