You know someone's Thesaurus got a good beating when...

...you receive four of the most intriguing spam emails in a row, sounding strangely similar yet very, oddly different.

Case in point: the makers of (apparently) a wonder drug that makes your manhood more man than the next man have obviously spent loads of time trying to get around that tricky old thing called a Mail Rule. Their English is dubious. But their spelling is exemplary in comparison to certain Russian temptresses who keep asking me to write them.

Even the best spam filters don't stop all the rubbish when you have a penile enlargement (oh dear, watch the hit rate on my blog climb now) company vying for your business. They're dogged with the "advertising".

First, we have Phase #1: Confusing Use of Nouns and Verbs.

Females always giggled at me and even fellows did in the public john!
Well, now I whoop at them, because I took Meg, a dik.
for 3 months and now my phallus is extremely best than civil.

So, ar ar, very clever use of a comma, makers of M e g a dik.
But then we move on to phase #2: The Use of the Word "Whizzgiggled" - Is It Actually a Word?

Baronesses always whizgiggled at me and even blokes did in the urban comfort station!
Well, now I laugh at them, because I took M eg ad ik
for 5 months and now my prick is immensely more than usual.

Despite never having heard of the dunny being called the 'urban comfort station', I could have taken this for a real sentence, had it not been for the word 'whizzgiggled' (and Baronesses in place of Girls for that matter).

Phase #3 starts looking desperate:

Chicks always smiled at me and even men did in the municipal bathroom!
Well, now I hee-haw at them, because I took Me - ga - Di k
for 7 months and now my dick is terribly best than national.

Anyone who dares use hee-haw has my vote. But then it's on to Phase #4: Tried To Be Too Clever and Blew It (no pun intended):

Dolls always whooped at me and even boys did in the civil john!
Well, now I giggl at them, because I took M_E GA D IK
for 3 months and now my prick is quite preponderant than usual.

That was just poor and sloppy, that last one. It reads disjointedly, it's missing a letter and a word. Really quite disappointing.

They were going so well too. My interest was piqued too. Oh well. If they don't sound professional, I won't trade with a business.