An Australian Story

Watched Australian Story the other night. On a reminder tip-off from The Guardian Friend.

Faaaar OUT. I coulda written that woman's script. And had to stop myself from punching the air when she verbalised what so many of "us" feel: that the arrival of Number 2 Special Baby does not right or fix or make us "happy now" - she said there's still a sadness and then said "And so as time goes on, people think, "Well, you've got a new baby now, you know, get on with it, you'll be right". But you're not. You're living with the other child. The other child doesn't just go away. You live with the ghost of the child that should have been".

I nearly fell off the couch, was floored that she said it, and so grateful that she was able to say it publicly because she said it for me too, perhaps many other bereaved parents (she beat me to it, y'know, because that's what my writing is ultimately about I guess) and people have heard her. And good on her. You know what, though, I didn't cry. I certainly swallowed a big lump after hearing that statement, true, but I didn't cry. I take this as a good sign. I guess it's the difference between someone who's never experienced it (premature baby and the death of that baby), hearing a first hand heartfelt account, and someone who's lived it. I wouldn't have even watched this show a year ago, let alone been a mess if I saw it. Sometimes stories like Jane's do still give me a physical sickness or ache. But I'd like to think that's how far I've come, that I can not only watch or read these stories, but not get so caught in them that it tears me wide open for days all over again. I guess I have my own special little Blissbomb to thank in big part for that. And the fact that I have a pretty good protection mechanism, oiled and working like a beaut, which kept me from surrounding myself with similar stories to my own til I was good and ready to separate myself somewhat and be strong enough to do it.

I found the transcript of the show (PETA take a look in case I can't record it onto tape for you!), thankfully, as I knew there were a few things she said that were stand-outs to me that I wanted to go back over, my memory's not that perfect that I could remember verbatim. Take a look before it gets dropped off the page with newer stories! (or do they archive them?).

I remember her from television - what bastards they were (her son died, she was off work and had gone back five months after her son died and when she returned, nobody said a word, treated her like it hadn't happened and expected business as usual from her), what a prick place to work that'd have to be - and I had no idea what had happened to her (or where she'd gone).